My Prince Charming

Yes, he is completely 100% MY Prince Charming. He didn't come with perfection, but I love him just the same with all his imperfections. I know in my last post I hopped on my soap box with tiring of etiquette and what people think of it. I love the comment my sister left. And I completely agree (thanks, Linds)!

And with that, Benjamin and I have completely enjoyed planning this past week. We have weeded through several different tunes, some of which I don't even know why people would use as a reception song. It was a lot of fun just listening to the crappy, fun, "why on earth do you want a song talking about this at your wedding" tunes. It was a great stress reliever and, although I had yet to read my sis' comment, a great reminder of this is OUR wedding. And whether or not someone else would do exactly what we have planned, it is what we want to do to celebrate the beginning of the rest of our lives together.

We also have ordered the invitations.....and I am SOOOOO excited about them! First of all, I was able to get something I really, really liked, which was not originally how I was going to pick. Price ruled my thoughts, thus I wouldn't even allow myself to look at something if it was overbudgeted. Then I realized, along with Benjamin, we were not going to have to order as many invitations as we thought originally. With that in mind, Laura, our wedding coordinator, told us to start from the beginning. "I don't think you picked any of these because you just loved them," she said, "Let's go through this again. You shouldn't have to think about whether you like it. This is a flip through because you're supposed to love it right when you see it."

So we started glancing at the invite samples as Laura quickly flipped through pages. There were a couple we like but they were waaay too expensive, and she agreed. So we kept flipping. We made it through one book without really just loving anything out of it. So she pulled out another and began flipping through that. About half-way through, she had barely flipped a page when we all made a statement about it at the same time: "OH WOW! I really like that one!" I said, "Hey, what about that one?" Ben said, and Laura, with her fingering pointing at the design said, "This is really pretty. Oh and look at the way the worded the invite to the reception." Needless to say, those are the invites she sent the order out for yesterday.

I'm just loving how everything is falling into place and am so excited and building with anticipation as the day is drawing near. I just am enthralled that I am going to be spending the rest of my life with my best friend. I know I'm currently on cloud nine with my realization of doing what we want for the wedding and the idea of being with him every day, but I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I am not disillusioned into thinking we will never fight, we won't have our hard moments, its going to be "happily, ever after". Trust me, we've already had a couple nasty fights and had to come together to work through them. But as awful as I feel after, and I know he's apologized and told me he feels the same way, there is always this feeling of, "Wow! To work through this disagreement has only brought us closer together." I'm not saying, by any means, I want us to fight more so we can grow; I think we can grow together without it as well. I just know that being committed to each other no matter what may happen in our lives or what we may argue about makes me enjoy the rainbow after the storm.

And right at this moment, I just was thinking about us but more so him because I know that no matter what it takes, he is always going to do everything he can to take care of me. His dad is currently replacing my brakes, and of course Benjamin is along side him working as well. Well, when Dad #2 (that's what I will refer to my father-in-law as) popped my hood, we discovered that more acid had built up on both my + and - receptors on the battery. he said he would clean it and then started telling me about these felt pads you can place on the battery which help with build up because of some chemical in them. Of course I figured I would just get them later, however, my Benjamin just walked in the room and told me he had put some of those pads on the battery. I then said, "Oh, you guys had some here." "No," he replied, "I went to go purchase them so it would stay clean."

No, not perfect, but DEFINITELY my Prince Charming!

Not all Kicks & Giggles

Wedding planning is hard. It is quite overwhelming as well. I know most people say I've got it together because within just a months time several of my large to-do's were either set in stone or well on there way to being done.

I guess my struggle isn't with what to pick, trust me: I'm OCD and picky picky picky. I know what I want, how I want it, and why I want it that way. I also know a lot of what I want is extremely different from the norm and tradition. I have had so many different people tell me "You can't do it that way", "That's not right, you have to do it this way", "It would look much better if you did it this way", "That doesn't follow etiquette", etc. The thing is, I'm not really looking for someone's approval on following etiquette nor am I truly worried if everyone else "just loves it". If it's what I want and Ben likes it too (yes, I have been blessed with a man who actually cares about what to pick and what things look like, although I'm not 100% sure of the blessing yet :P), then it is what I want to have.

I just am not in a mindset of being able to completely understand why etiquette must be followed. I'm sure there are some areas of etiquette I will actually be following, only because it's what I like. However, I just have never quite understood it fully. I'm sure some situations call for it, and maybe in those I must conform. Part of my misunderstanding lies in who on earth set it up and decided everyone must follow? I guess I should do some research in that area. I am open to at least learning about it, although I can guarantee it will not change the choices I have already made in regards to my wedding.

I know I am completely rambling. I guess I have just been extremely frustrated with some of my plans and started thinking about etiquette and where it came from. That's pretty much my existence right now.

How to Get the Swine Flu

So I have learned one very important lesson: in this time where everyone is freaking out about swine flu, no patient uses a mask when they go to a clinic filled with hundreds of people just waiting to be contaminated. So then why are you freaking out about it, I ask? Because no one cares if they spread it!

Last Wednesday, as I stood in line waiting to get a flu swab (aka pap smear of the nose -thanks linds!) with my mask on, I watched several patients, who all appeared to have the same problem I did, walk through the clinic as though they were not contagious. HA! My body readily received the swine flu from some patient, either on Monday or Tuesday, who was just as inconsiderate. I can only imagine the infestation in that place as hundreds of people walk in and out of the clinic sneezing, coughing, and blowing their noses on everyone and everything. I'm sure if we had special lenses to detect the swine flu, you could walk into my place of employment and the words swine flu would be smeared across almost everything in the building and bobbing ominously atop most everyone's head!

No, swine flu doesn't kill most people, in fact other forms of influenza kill more people than swine flu appears to be doing at this moment, but it is sure lurking around every corner. And most people are susceptible, even if healthy, because no one has an immunity to the virus.

Needless to say, if you would like to obtain swine flu, free of charge, just walk into the Baton Rouge Clinic. I'm sure you will bump into someone there, happily giving everyone the disease because they can't suck it up and wear a mask around the clinic! It will be the longest days of ailed sleeping you will ever know in your life! And while the Tamiflu is ridding you of all your symptoms, it will knock you back on your butt because of the fatigue, nausea, and possible vomiting it is likely to induce.

It really is that easy. I work in Dermatology: usually the contagious diseases we see are rashes, yet I managed to get the swine flu.

Relationships: The Foundation of Meaning in Life

Life changes, inevitably. Choices change us, events happen that we cannot avoid, time moves forward without asking. Sometimes I wonder how well I am really using what I am given:

Relationships are the building blocks in life. Everything revolves around relationships: home, work, vacation, grocery shopping, etc. There isn't anything that does not effect the people around you. Even taking time for yourself effects those you love because you isolate yourself from them: you can destroy or build up relationships based on what you do with time by yourself. People die from a lack of influential and significant relationships. There is a lot that stands on the foundation of relationships.

I guess I began thinking about this as I was reading my bible. As I lay down, I started thinking about how while growing up, adults, who mean well, teach us multiple reasons as to why we are to read the bible. And although many of them are true, many impressionable youth are left with multiple reasons fighting for the logic of why they are to read the bible. Usually, somewhere among the plethera of reasons, the relationship with Christ bridging our relationship with God is taught, but it isn't always grasped as the sole reason for reading scripture.

I say all this because for one reason or another, growing up, I always felt I was to gain some new insight, some new meaning, some life-altering truth every time I spent time reading the bible. Every time I didn't, which seemed to make up a majority of the time, I felt I had failed somehow and God was no longer near me, I was being punished. I might not have even done anything wrong in that moment, but I was still a failure, thus I learned nothing and God could not find favor with me. Even now I still find myself feeling this way. As much as I knew in my head it wasn't true, I found lies pelting me like a cold, hard rain. They were needles driving their way into my flesh I could not rid myself of.

However, my eyes were open today, while discussing with God the way I feel about how I struggle with reading the bible because of how many times I feel as though I'm staring into an abyss. It's all about my relationship with Him. My desire to spend time with Him. Like every relationship, to grow you must spend time with one another. It will die if you don't. You may not always feel like you're getting anywhere with it. You are bound to feel like a huge wall has been dropped between you and the other person at times. Yet, all He truly wants from me is my heart and for me to take time to spend with Him, solely Him.

I don't know why it's taken me so long to realize that. I'm sure I've only heard it a jillion times from other people, too, but for some reason it didn't begin to take root until today. I'm bound to need to be told this simple truth again. I'm human and bound to fail. But His grace is bound to pull me back up and give me a second chance.

Along with this realization came the insight of how important my relationships with everyone I come in contact with are. The man who stands in front of me at the grocery store, the patients I encounter on a daily basis at work, my co-workers, everyone with whom I have contact. Do I seize all opportunities I am given? I'm sure not, but I would at least like to die knowing I tried my hardest to build meaningful relationships with everyone I am given the opportunity.

I know my thought process on this is not complete and very raw, but I had to begin to flesh it out. If you have any thoughts, feel free to comment.

Visiting My Family

I have to say my internal timing mechanism has been thrown off with this small vacation I have had. Yesterday I thought it was Saturday. Thursday I couldn't remember what day it was. Today I feel like I should be getting back home and preparing for another week.

Fortunately, I'm still quite relaxed (as relaxed as you can be with a 2-week-old baby in the home). Spending time with Lindsey and Drew and getting to meet my new born nephew, Brayden, has been great. Although I don't feel like expounding all I'm thinking on here, there are quite a few things having time off has caused to reel in my head.

As much as I don't miss the homework, having the time off during Christmas or Spring break was a nice component of school. I find it harder to make time for myself to relax in the manner I could during those times. And much of the time I don't have the ability to make that kind of time for myself. I guess vacation time, once I can use it, will come in handy. I can see myself using time to just to have off if I have an excess of time.

Anyway, I am enjoying my nephew. Not that he can do much, but I am glad I was able to see him in his early stage. He is growing quickly and the next time I see him I'm sure he will be able to hold his head up, smile, maybe giggle. All the stages of life I will miss because of being far away will be hard, but it makes these times I get to see him that much more sweet.

Will I Grasp What You Want to Teach Me?

I have SO much to ponder. SOOOO much! I really want to get away for a weekend all on my own, maybe go pitch a tent out somewhere. Then I just want to be.

be

be alone but not alone

exist

soak in water like a sponge

quiet

listen for His still, small voice

I am learning and have much to learn.

Where there is freedom, there is bondage.

Where there is love, there is pain.

Where there is sacrifice, there is new life.

Though suffering, you may have done nothing wrong.

No matter what the cause of the suffering, there is always the opportunity for healing.

What we are taught is the ending, is only the beginning.

Where there is a box to define, there are limitless definitions.

Where there are limitless definitions, there is a box to define.

Where irony abounds, the congruous adhesive of Life abound even more.

Where there is healing, there is hurt.

Though all I have just said is able to be twisted in every shape, form, and fashion, it is only understandable through one sense. And in that one sense, many senses abound.

OH THE IRONY OF IT ALL! HAHAHAHA....I am SO freed in body, mind, soul, spirit at this moment. May it continue ever more! Although I'm very new in all of what I'm experiencing, I am more than willing to share. Be forewarned it is deep and I may barely be able to form words to explain. It is all by the power of the Cross that I am seeing all my eyes are beholding.

I am learning new and glorious parts of life daily. There is so much for me to be unsure of. So much that can be debated. So much that is nothing as anyone has painted it as. Who is to say that there is one Way, but belief in the Way is not a simple matter by which simple definitions for Him are reached? I whole heartedly believe in the Way, but I cannot say that His Way is reached by a single, particular definition. I will not say it is reached by one single, particular definition.

In fact, there is so much I'm unsure of, but I am sure willing to learn. To dare. To be moved. To fight against the grain.

I am on a continual journey. I just hope I learn all from everything, everyone around me I can, as that is where He has placed me.

How much have we thought we know for sure, but it can be debated? All I know is I am but a sinner and His grace is my only hope!

It's Been a While

Wow! It's been a while since I've been able to take the time to sit and write. That makes me sad.

First of all, I haven't taken the time to write. Secondly, my computer crashed so I couldn't (and my roommates extra computer busted at the same time...HA!). Bummer. Now I have access to a comuter because my roomie was given a computer that someone had extra!

So....

Looking back I am realizing how much has happened in the past few months.

1) I have started my job as a medical assistant. I absolutely love my job! It makes me sooo sure of my desire and calling to be a nurse I'm fidgeting just to get there (and I'm sure I will complain when the homework starts to unfold on my desk). I have actually been pulled to Pediatrics for a day too and loved that! YAY! haha...I still have my days of not wanting to go to work from sheer laziness but I consider myself fortunate to find a job I love and enjoying work (for the most part).

2) My parents are going through one of the roughest times I have ever witnessed in my life. If you think about them PLEASE be praying. There is a lot of mayhem going on with the house they were building and it really hurts to watch them go through this. I know that whether or not the outcome is how we want it, God is in control and will make this all right (even if it means they have to wait until the other side of Heaven).

3) The new year has come and we're almost through 2 months of it! Crazy...I just can't believe how quickly time passes us. I wish I would catch up with that knowledge and truly live every day as though it were my last. Why can't we always take everything we know to heart? I think a lot of us would be very different if we really followed all that we know.

4) My sister, Lindsey, is 7 months pregnant!! I am extatic about being an aunt! Little Brayden Thomas March is growing healthily and is measuring larger than how far a long my sister is. Soon enough I'm going to actually be driving up there to see the new fam :) I don't think I could be any happier (ok...well I would be if they lived in the same city but that's just pulling my luck)!

5) I was able to visit with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins when they were down here. I really enjoy seeing them because we are really close with them and don't get to see them too often.

6) I have somehow managed to get TWO babies from two kingcakes (and of all the people to get it again: my second baby came out of a HUGE kingcake...I mean big enough for at least 25+ people). For all you who are not knowledgable on king cakes: the person who gets the baby, which is hidden inside the cake, must buy the next one. Go me!

That's about it...I have had some pretty hilarious stories since I've become a medical assistant but I don't feel like typing them all out right now.

Didn't Sign Up For This...But It Sure is Funny

So within the past few months of answering the phone at the clinic, I have heard a multitude of funny stories. However, sometimes people are so ridiculously comfortable they share strangely uncomfortable information.

I know that I'm working in the medical field, I just found it funny that people willingly share extremely personal information with someone who is just scheduling the appointment. I'm not the nurse who is working for the doctor they are visiting or a nurse yet at all. I just type in information, check it to make sure its correct and continue with setting up an appointment by stating dates of open appointments for their physician.

I have heard everything from "I have herpes...well at least I think I do" to "When it effects our sex life, you better know the hell I'm coming to that appointment" not to mention a multitude of other things.

I have to admit, as awkward as it is hearing those statements, I would much rather hear them to getting a phone call that a patient is deceased because usually an extremely close family member makes the call. I want to reach out and be there, take away their pain. You can hear it in their voice. The phone is so impersonal to find out such life changing information and try to work with a patient. Maybe it's better for them though.

Anyway, I'm curious as to what may happen once I start training with Dr. Jackson over in Dermatology. I'm extremely excited, know it will be a great experience, and help truly begin my journey in the medical field. As of this time next week, I will have begun training and I can't wait!

Stumblings

Okay...so since last night I've become addicted to Felicity. Needless to say I have spent the majority of my Saturday bumming out on the sofa.

Well...I'm watching it with Erin and since she's getting ready for this shower she's going to, I figured I'd continue to be a couch potato and just search some stuff online....you know being bored and all. Here is what I found:

neatorama

pretty neat (no pun intended) website if you ask me. But what really caught my eye, was this random one I found when I did a image search on google:

hot jazz

Just thought I would share :) Enjoy the workings from being a bum :)

Allergies Oh Allergies

haha...So after many years of fighting allergies, I finally gave in and had myself tested. I've known for a long time that I'm allergic to many many things, but I was too stubborn when I was younger to ever be dragged into an allergist for testing and then the ever fatal weekly shots.

But after suffering for 22 years and working at a clinic, I finally decided what could it hurt? right? The worst that could really happen is I find out that it wasn't allergies and have to be tested for something else...or to find I was allergic to everything they test me for.

Let me just say that is the most torturous 15 minute wait of my entire life. After they put all the different syrum on me and then scratched my back (pricked it or something with a needle...not scratch as in scratching an itch), I think it took about 2 seconds before my back was raging at me for allowing someone to put all that stuff on it.

The nurse finally walks back in and starts "ooooo"ing at the whelps I have on my back. I was allergic a lot of stuff....mostly things I already knew. What I did learn is that when people are allergic to dust its to the mites not the dust itself. I also learned that if you're allergic to one cat you're allergic to them all but just because you're allergic to dog dander doesn't mean you're allergic to all dogs (I mean I kind of figured, I guess I was just affirmed in what I thought). So dog's like Golden Retrievers and other types of dogs are no good.

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Today I finished the second book of the Twilight series. And I think they're good books...but I'm not obsessed with them like everyone thought I would be. Everyone thought I would go ape nuts over Edward Cullen...the absolute perfect guy...so perfect it's fake. It's sad and happy to me. Call me crazy because the reason I think it's sad and happy are on polar opposited ends of a spectrum.

I think it's sad because so many young girls are going to read that and become brain washed, wishing and hoping that one day they will have a guy like him who is so in love with them and will go to all ends of the world and love her extravegantly. And not that guys don't love girls and not that they won't go out on limbs to love that one special person, but they're human, destined to fail, desperately in need of love and forgiveness just as every girl is.

But then it made me happy, because just for a second, that weird twist to make a person inhuman, his undying love, reminded me of exactly how Christ wants to love us and does if we will only let him. He wants to be our everything, the fire that burns the wood brightly but never causes the wood to completely ash, always able to ever glow.

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I have to go beat down the doors of OLOL...okay so I won't actually beat the doors down but I'm tired of this mail not ever getting to me. They told me they had mailed me a letter concerning whether or not I had been accepted. But I never received it. So on Friday (that's when I was talking with some guy in admissions), I was told they would print another one and mail another one to me. I figured they would get that done ASAP and I would have something in my hands by now....still no letter. So tomorrow, I walk in that admissions office and ask they either tell me, or they print one off and hand it to me in the office...otherwise I'm going to make some crazy payment from them such as they need to pay me for all the problems they've caused (wish it would work that way :D).