Music Speaks to the Places Almost Nothing Else Can

Okay...so I'm supposed to be reflecting on my teaching and journaling: my lovely homework during this semester when I'm not typing up lesson plans or filling out paper work: YAY (NOT)! However, as I was about to start I found that almost impossible because of the music I was listening to. Simple stuff: Josh Groban. But for some reason I just found myself in this place that I can't speak what I feel I just know it's hitting me in those hidden places of my soul.

Why and how does music have such a profound impact in some people's lives? I know not everyone appreciates it and not everyone finds it to make them stop in their tracks but I often find myself in this place: I want to do nothing BUT listen to music and just soak it up. There is no explanation to it, it just is.

I don't know what I would do without music. I don't know what I would do without my ability to play the piano because of how much enjoyment I find in learning new pieces and taking in all the beautiful sounds that are produced from making music. I have such a deep appreciation for the art and am so thankful that it exists because when it seems like nothing would help me to keep going, something in the music will hit me in those places that make me want to keep going no matter what.

Good Good Good

I really enjoyed an extremely long phone conversation I had tonight. It was really great to be able to say out loud some things I had been thinking with someone who had known about the situation from the beginning. Adam if you read this: THANKS!

Totally different from the phone convo...just a thought that has been on my mind a lot lately and come up in several different conversations:

It has sucked going through some of the crap I have dealt with with my parents over the past couple of months, I am very...mmm...I don't know if grateful is the right word but I do not regret that we had those rough times. I think through them all we are going to grow closer. I don't wish them to happen but inevitable things like that will happen every now and then and I have to say I do appreciate my parents more and know they love me that much more. Even if I don't agree with everything they say and do, I appreciate that they hold to who they are and will tell me what they think because they love me and care about me. I really wish I had more time to be with them before they move away. And shoot! The disagreements are MINOR compared to what they could be...they're not over some huge ordeal and they weren't relation shattering. Yes, it may take time to rebuild but I'm all for it because they are worth everything to me. EVERYTHING

Time is too short...there is not enough of it. So I must cherish what I have. Unfortunately, going home means I don't get any homework done...but I'm at the point now where I may just say screw it and go home whenever I get a chance because I'm not going to have many more of these moments. That makes me really sad. I know people who would have thought a month ago I would never be saying this. But I love my family so much that even if I don't agree with everything, I want to do everything I can and will do everything I can to keep my relationship with them. I love them...I would die for them...I don't know what I'm going to do without them when they move away.

Road trippin' maybe? Anyone have to head down there so I'm not making it by myself?

I miss them so much right now. I think it's been a month since I've gotten to go home last and it sucks even more knowing they were all home without me just this past weekend...YESTERDAY and the day before yesterday and the day before yesterday's yesterday :D I know...I'm a total dork and I'm sleepy...BAD combination. But anywho, they were all there and I was here. And all I could keep thinking was: I wish I was able to be with them right now...I really just want to be with them! So I'm going home next weekend...I'm going HOME! Who cares about some professional development thing that I'm not required to go to and care nothing about... I'm going HOME!

Ready for May 3rd

If there was ever a time in my life that I have almost followed through with the temptation of doing something half-heartedly, it is now. I absolutely love kids and I love working with them in small settings but I hate working at school. What on earth am I going to do when I get out of school you ask? Beats me...I wish I could have enough piano students to get paid enough to live off of...but that takes a lot of time to work into.

Anyway, back to wanting to do something half-heartedly: I really don't want to do all the work that I'm supposed to to graduate. I struggle daily to find the positives and usually my saving grace is that I have piano students waiting for me after school. Occasionally, I have a really good time with the 4th grade classes I see in the afternoon...they are my favorite age to work with so I guess that goes without saying. It's just frustrating knowing that I have spent four years of my life, pouring all I have into a degree that I will probably never use.

What on earth am I going to do? I guess the next couple of months will tell all.

Valentine's is for Those Who Want More Money

So...I have nothing against the holiday and I have celebrated it when I have been in a relationship but I still think the entire day is a HUGE marketing scam. I mean someone invented a day for everyone to celebrate love but isn't that kind of pointless...if you really love someone you will find a way to show the person you care for that you love them every day. I think it's great to do something a bit out of the ordinary, that may cost more than what you can afford every day and I'm definitely for celebrating when you have a significant other. However, I will still always think it was created by someone who was trying to find a way to make more money.

I don't hate the holiday and as long as I have a significant other I will celebrate. Shoot, we even sort of celebrated with my students at school today. I'm too poor to afford valentine's for 300+ students and my piano students but we celebrated none the less and it wasn't like I turned away the cute chocolates and cards that were given to me by a few students just because I think it's a marketing scam. I just have thought and will always think valentine's is a holiday created by those who want more money.

Disgusting to Clean

It's bad enough to live in a girl's apartment that never gets clean...and I mean NEVER! But it's even worse when you think your apartment looks like a bachelor's AND you're good guy friends think it looks worse than a bachelor's apartment.

So...

Today, I woke up and started cleaning. The microwave is now clean except for the stains. The counter is spotless. The stove is sparkling white. And the floors, including under every piece of furniture that is easily movable by one person without removing everything from it's shelves, are now quite clean. I can't say that there isn't anything left in them, but I got most of it up. How do I know? I have a wal-mart sack full of dust/hair/nastiness that is getting thrown away.

YAY for a clean apartment! That had not been done since we moved in over a year and half ago...yuck!

I'm Weird

I have this random urge to write...with no point in mind. Just a desire to write until I've worn every last bit of language out of my fingers. Unfortunately, I have no clue what I want to write about or what to write about. I just had to put that somewhere so I wasn't keeping it locked in myself.

My conclusion from all of this: I'm weird.

Things that Keep Me Going...

If there is anything I have discovered from student teaching so far, it is that I was not made to work with more than max of 3 small children at a time. I love kids, I just can only handle them in small doses. I have no idea why I'm wired like this, I just know that's the way I am.

So as I've sat at school trying to find the positives, I have found a few things that seem to keep me going:

1) The hope of my piano students at the end of the day. I despise the fact that I have to be working until quite late considering my day starts at 7:30/7:45ish and I'm not done until 7 on average but knowing that most of my piano students are really good students and a lot of fun drives me to finish the day.

2) The hope that I might get a student who is normally stoic to smile, prone to misbehavior to be the best student for the day, and those who may get no attention at home may at least get a little from me. Unfortunately, half the time I can make them feel special we have this dumb "we're invisible" policy so I'm not supposed to talk to the students...GREAT! I guess it's a good policy but it just doesn't seem to make sense to me.

3) There is a student at school who has for some reason decided he thinks the world of me. He is precious and has a very sweet demeanor. I have this awesome, simple smiley face staring at me in my apartment that he drew in about the 2 seconds I was in their class to talk with his teacher. I don't know why but he's melted my heart :D

4) Random, funny happenings that have occurred in class. One such occurrence was earlier this week a student was playing with a ranch packet (they had had salad with lunch). His methods of playing with it was to twist it in the middle, which inevitably busted the packet. However, the thing didn't just squirt...it EXPLODED on everything. He was covered, the piano had ranch all over it, even some of the other students were fortunate to get ranch on them :D The bad thing: my mentor got onto the class for laughing and I was probably laughing the hardest when he was getting onto them. I had to try to stifle my laughter while starting to clean up the mess....I have to say it was HILARIOUS!

5) My students thinking I'm amazing for knowing songs like "soulja boy"! Yeppers...I am the coolest to them because I know the song...and sort of but not really know the dance. HAHA!

6) oh and somehow, you do no wrong in their eyes. So even after I've disciplined one of them they come right back and ask for a hug...or attach themselves to you like they're a leech and cannot survive without being attached to you.

I just hope I can find more things like this to keep me going...because ugh! There are problems galore at school...and half the time I can't stand being there. At least it is only for a few months.