Bleck

i'm sad. i'm tired. i'm stressed. i am not in love with my major and wonder why on earth i got my degree in something i won't use except to help push start me and why i didn't follow my *go ahead and insert big fat NERD here* love of mathematics or science. i just love teaching piano and of course, the thing i love, you can't just begin tomorrow with a full studio. those things take time and unfortunately almost every job, albeit one in baton rouge, interferes with me even having piano students. i know i won't be here forever but it's just not a fun thought.

i think even though i'm possibly moving with my family, although not living in the same house just going to the same city, it makes me sad that they are moving. i guess because jeff still has two years of school left and transitioning to new schools in the middle of high school is never fun. i know he will be fine and will make new friends, and who knows, the new school could be a perfect fit for him. i'm not so sad for laura because she is at a new chapter in her life and is leaving for college anyway. nothing for her to lose, everything for her to gain. the friendships she have will either last or it will be evident they were only for a chapter of her life. but for jeff, he shouldn't have to move. i guess there is a big learning lesson in this for him somewhere and instead of remaining where he is he will continue to grow.

as for myself, i'm kind of excited about moving. i don't want to stay in arkansas for the rest of my life, nothing against it, it's just not for me. i would rather go places, see things i've not seen, experience parts of life that i wouldn't be able to here. i don't know exactly what the next chapter of my life holds for me and as much as i would like to know at times, i prefer the flexibility i must encounter and the mystery of the unknown. that part of this new chapter in my life is exciting.

but it is so so bitter as i think about the friends i will be leaving behind. i think they are friends to stay, who i will always keep in touch with. but that doesn't make it any less sad thinking about the fact that they most likely will not just be a five minute drive away. haha...that i won't be living in the same apartment with them anymore. this is the first time in my life that i have had friends that i connect with in the ways we have grown in our friendship.

i think i'm going to go think to myself a little...maybe not the best idea but i don't feel like posting any deeper feelings to the world...