Nothing Like What I Dreamed...Perhaps Better :)

I feel old...too old. This growing up thing is not what I imagined it to be when I was a child. Not at all. It's hard yet fun. It's tiring but enjoyable when you find your knack. But it's still not what I dreamed it to be.

I guess that would be the problem: I dreamed it to be fantastic, amazing, can't-wait-to-get-there.

I don't know if I would rather take back the innocence and absence of heavy responsibility from my childhood or prefer to know that my hard work and sweat is what is keeping me going. That I am making an impact in this world even when no one else sees it. Of course I would love to take back my ability to sleep well...maybe it's just the change.

I have thoroughly enjoyed meeting all the people I did through my job at BREC. Not to mention when we hang out we're usually riding horses. I swear I'm going to own one someday. I know they're a huge responsibility but I would rather have a horse over a dog any day (but I'm going to have a dog too!). As long as I can remember, I've always wanted a horse. I've always wanted to be around horses. I've never not wanted one. And that includes after being bucked off a horse (it's actually really fun! just extremely dangerous too!). When a horse gallops is the essence of free spirit to me, not a care in the world. I guess the equivilent of free spirit that I can achieve on my own is skiing...maybe I need to move to the snow covered Rockies where I can own some land and have a few horses on it (God will you please give me a job for that?!). haha...

I'm going to miss seeing those people every day but at least I know we will all chill on occasion. Hopefully, my permanent job will have just as great if not a better environment as I've had with all my friends at BREC.