A Lot of Change Makes Your Head Spin

Time is really closing in on me....and it's the scariest thing I have ever faced aside from near-death experiences.

I guess that's relatively a good thing considering I have lived 21 and 1/2 years.

I have so many ideas floating around in my little finite mind and it is beginning to wear me out.

If you haven't learned this yet, listen to me now: time is not on your side; it will continue to work its way forward whether you want it to or not and to sit on your butt isn't going to help. I'm not saying all of this because I have been waiting around for something to happen. I'm saying this because you have to take action even if you're having to stand at a fork in the road for a while. You have to look as far down both roads as you can (which is about as far down the road as looking down at your feet because you can't predict anything) and make as educated a decision as possible, and then never look back. This is what I'm learning as my head wallows in a mass of chaotic thought embedded in all the change about to take place and all my questioning and deeper searching into theological thought and material(mmmmm...I love going places that I may never come back from with an answer. Frustrating at times but I still absolutely love it). :D

To give you some insight on why my head is spinning here are some of the things I have been thinking:

what on earth am i going to do when i graduate? what is the purpose of the church and does the church really serve that purpose anymore? do i need to stay in conway, move to fayetteville, move to baton rouge with my fam, or just go let my sense of adventure take me away to some far off state (because I don't want to live the rest of my life in arkansas if i don't have to)? do i need to get a job or go back to school? why on earth did God really let finite and 100% errant men canonize his inerrant truths? if i go back to school, what will i go for? am i crazy to really want to go to seminary? why does my family have to be moving in the middle of some of the biggest changes in all of our lives? why do i not have the guts to stand up to some people? why are people so stuck on thinking that if you are a true believer you will and must go to church? why do i have a love for youth and for music but i absolutely despise teaching in school? why did i spend four years earning a degree i will probably never use? how on earth did church become something you do on sunday? when did we lose sight of relationship and grab on to the idea of religion? what kind of jobs are open to me since my degree is only geared towards gaining my teaching license? why do people get onto me for hanging out with non-believers or those who live a controversial lifestyle? last i checked we're supposed to love everyone as ourselves and to witness is just to be involved in someones life, not to bible beat them...is it not?

Okay, so now that I actually typed some...like not even .000001 of what's going on in my head and life you understand why so much change at once is crazy and why I wish life was as easy as pushing the staples easy button. :P