Always Learning

Life is full of things where you don't understand why someone thinks something should be a certain way and it really is a decision you should be making, whether or not the people around you agree. I'm in one of those places right now. And to be completely honest I hate it. I don't like waiting for something that I don't understand why I should wait. I understand why other people think I should wait and in the end, way down the road, I may end up agreeing that it was best to wait. I know that if I do wait I may be able to keep from severing relationships and gain the one that I really want in the end, if everything works out like that (which I hope it will).

The good thing about struggling with understanding is I have learned how effective it is to communicate with people even if you may not want to hear what they have to say and even if you don't agree in the end because of differing opinions. I have learned that it is better to state where you stand than to not say anything because you are afraid of other people's reactions.

Fear can be good. But in my case it is usually bad in the sense that it I have allowed it to hold me back from something I should have said or done. I guess this is one of my bigger weaknesses, but the more I realize it, the more I am taking the actions necessary to change it. I will never be perfect and will probably struggle with fear in many instances throughout the rest of my life. But I have learned how freeing it is to be open about where you stand and to push fear aside. Confidence is gained through it all and you gain understanding into knowing you truly believe what you think because you are willing to make a stand for it whether or not everyone around you agrees. It is hard to tell people you really believe something and convince yourself in the process if you can't say it with confidence or are worrying if your opinion is going to agree with everyone in the room. I think people see through that too. They know that you aren't convinced by what you are telling them so they write you off as some lunatic who subscribes to whatever anyone in the room believes.

I have also gained from this that you can't please everyone. Taking time to think about why I am doing what I am doing and making sure that I am not just doing something because I want to please other people around me is extremely important. I have always known this but it has taken me a few too many experiences to realize that it is important to act based on what I believe and know to be true and not because I want to please someone. You can't please everyone (duh, Megan! I knew this I just didn't take it to heart) and living a life trying to please everyone else is probably one of the most miserable things a person can do to himself.

Yet another thing I am learning is a deeper of knowledge of what it means to show respect to your authority. I don't necessarily understand why, but after talking through their reasoning why I can at least understand where they are coming from even though I don't agree. What I hope it will change is their acceptance of where I stand. They may not like it and they may not like all the choices I make in this period of waiting, but I they can respect that I am making a decision based on what I believe and see as best for myself.

You live and you learn...so hopefully through all this that is going on, I will learn different things about life that I might have learned much later if it were not for this crummy situation.